I used to pray on rare occasions. Then gradually it became once a day, twice a day, thrice, and so on and so forth. I thought prayer would change me. It really hasn't. And what hasn't changed especially is my desire to pray. I feel like it's a burden and a chore. I take time and energy out of my day to do something that has no immanent value. Wudu is laborious. And then when I get to praying, I have to make the same motions every single time, five times a day. The monotony is boring me out of my wits.
It's made me wonder rhetorically...why is wudu essential? why are the motions essential?
When I'm doing something important like studying, I feel like I'm wasting time by pausing and going to do something else. And moreover, prayer disrupts my pattern of thought and makes me lose focus. I dislike pausing in the middle of important tasks, especially ones that require focus. As soon I start prayer, I'm thinking about how soon I can finish.
I've tried so many things to make prayer more enjoyable, to no avail. I tried thinking of it as a gift from God or a personal invitation from God, but it isn't really helping. I've also thought that it could bring blessings in the work that I do. But it still hasn't helped much. It's awful to do something that you resent multiple times a day.
What can I do to help myself? Any advice is welcome and appreciated.
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