I believe in god, his prophet(pbuh), the quran, the angels and predestination etc, but I don’t believe or find it hard to relate to some of the promises and attributes of god that should invoke optimism, hope and contentment. I find it hard to believe these things because my experiences in life prove counter to that. I understand life is a test and is not supposed to be a walk in the park but why is the quran and hadith filled with instances that suggest that felicity and happiness can happen in this life as well if you are righteous and maintain a close relationship with Allah(swt)?
It is often said that if god loves someone he tests them and believers are tested in accordance with their level of faith. Is that supposed to be reassuring or motivating? If getting closer to god means more tribulations is it wrong to aspire or be content with being basic and just about meeting expectations?
I have given up on trying to attain extra favor with god by performing superogitory acts of worship like praying during the night or making dua because there’s precious little evidence of it solving my problems. Perhaps this says something about my level of iman but if it doesn’t leave me outside the fold of islam then I dont care.
I choose to believe that a hellfire exists because choosing not to can be quite disastrous as a muslim who has heard the message, but everything after that I dont care too much for.
I’m just tired of life and have come to accept what my lot is in it. My experiences have shaped my worldview into something most would find cynical, jaded and pessimistic and I can’t seem to change my perspective. I’ve completely given up on brighter prospects and my sole objective now is to get to from this world to the next without being scathed any further by unnecessary hopes and unneeded optimism. I’m a realist I suppose. Call it depression or whatever but it is what it is and i’m not looking for therapy but some concrete and pragmatic advise.
So far I understand that the five pillars are necessary for being a basic muslim but what other commandments are there?
Thanks
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