(For those of you reading this, I made a post yesterday, as Alhamdulillah I accepted Islam. This is my story of accepting Islam.)
My parents, who I beg of you to pray for that they accept too, raised me in the best way any parent can raise their child. They taught me in the best way they could, they advised me in the best way they could, they fed me, clothed me and did everything for me, in the best way they could.
That being said, my parents aren't the relegious type. They emphasized education, and that was their top priority. Other than my education, they weren't too fussed about other things, and in this case relegion. But Alhamdulillah, Allah guided my lost soul, and Subhanallah, it just reminds me of the phrase "whoever Allah guides, none can misguide, and whoever Allah misguides, none can guide."
Before I was even born, my parents had an Arabic neighbor, who would look after my parents as if they were her own children. She was a widow, and had quite a few kids, but they all lived in other countries, so she'd tell my parents that they were to her, like her children. She loved my parents, and not a day would go by, except she would send them food, talk to them, or even just wave at them.
She got really ill sadly, but before she passed away my mum promised her, that if my mum ever has a daughter, she would name the daughter after her. My parents were married for a very long time, but my mum couldn't give birth. And then, alhamdulillah, after many years of marriage, my mother gave birth to me. But it was Allah's will, that the amazing lady neighbor and me were never to meet, and sadly she passed away shortly before I was born. But my mum remembered her daily (and still does to this day!) and her and my father already knew that if they had a daughter, they'd name after her. Thus, alhamdulillah, i was given the name "Khadija."
Growing up, I really loved my name. I was surrounded by people similar to my parents, people who didn't really have relegion in their lives. Everyone had similar names, but I didn't know anyone with the same name as me. I absolutely loved my name, and I held my name loud and proud.
Time went by, bad things, and good things occured and life was changing drastically. I moved from junior school to high school, where there were a few Muslims, but I didn't talk to them as they were above me, and then onto college. And college is where it all went uphill.
Due to some experiences as a child, I was always reserved. I only had one best friend, and other than that, I couldn't talk to other people. However in college, in one of my classes, a girl came up to me, and she wore a veil and although I was so antisocial, talking to her worked a charm. She asked me for my name, and was shocked when I told her it was Khadija! That I, who was not a Muslim, was given a beautiful Muslim name! And that was the first time that I found out, that not only was my name Arabic, but also had a really strong link to Islam! In college I made many muslim friends, Alhamdulillah, but we wouldn't really meet up as much, so I couldn't really talk to them as much as I wanted
Moving onto uni, which I started last year in September. Nearly all of my friends were Muslim. They were (and still are!) amazing people and were the most hospitable people. If I was to ask for something, they'd do it for me straight away. They were always there for me. And their character - aklaq (I think that's the Arabic word) was absolutely shocking, the fact that if they themselves were angry due to a certain reason, they'd talk to me as if they were the happiest people alive. I was surrounded by many Muslims, and I used to visit the local masjid with them quite frequently.
But this year, a few months ago, my best friend killed herself (to Allah we belong, and to him we shall return.) I don't have any siblings, and she was like a sister to me, we shared everything, she'd come to sleep at my house, we were practically sisters. I was so saddened by her death, and the events that led up to it, so I was physically broken for 2/3 days. And during that time, all I could think of, was god. That how life and death, most definitely can't just come from a big bang, and that there must be a superior being behind all of this. Thus, my quest for seeking the right relegion started.
I started looking into many relegions and spent a lot of time on 2 main ones. I looked into Sikhism, Buddhism, Judaism and a few others, but i didn't spend alot of time on them. But the 2 main ones that stuck with me, were Christianity and Islam.
The thing with them both, was that they were so alike yet so different. In regards to Christianity, I was asked to come into church at a specific time every Tuesday. So every Tuesday, there I'd be. I'd talk to many priests, but I realised something. Whenever I asked them any question, they were very quick to answer, but the thing I didn't like, was that they always answered in their own opinion. And also, the fact that I asked the same question to many priests, but I got a different answer each time. It did seem a good relegion, but many things put me off, especially the fact that they answered questions according to how they wanted to live, and not how it was written. Similar to the Bible, how every church has a different Bible, and it's changed according to people's desires. That really put me off, and made me go round in circles, as I didn't know which priest to listen to, and what to do. I was at conflict with myself.
I then looked into Islam. I talked to my uni friends about it, and they were so supportive of me. It was such an amazing feeling, and they told me they'd always be there for me. They then set an appointment up for me with my Sheikh (who is absolutely amazing, may Allah grant him all the best, amen) and the first thing he said to me was "here is the masjids number. If you have any queries feel free to ring. Also, the doors are always open for you, come whenever you want." This made me feel so valued, the fact that he didn't tell me a specific time, and that he was considerate of how I felt too.
I then proceeded to ask him as many questions as I could, and I kid you not, he answered every question with either a verse from the Qur'an, or a Hadith. He never said anything from his own opinion, and if he did, he specifically said that "this is my own opinion."
However I wasn't satisfied with this, because if I wanted to look into accepting, I wanted to make sure all my doubts were cleared. Thus I went to a sheikh in my home town (2 hours away from the sheikh in my uni) and asked him questions. I swear, he gave me exactly the same answers as the other sheikh, and he too only answered from Qur'an or Hadith. And again, he specified what he was saying from his own opinion.
He then gave me a few booklets to read, and an English version of the Qur'an. Ofcourse, I got absolutely mesmerized by it, I finished reading it within a week, but I also started reading it again and again. It had everything in it, from stories, to laws, to how to live and what happens when we die. I was so shook, and I remember, just crying and crying and crying. I had no idea why I was crying but I remember I was just sat there crying, but it was a good feeling. Like it's what I'd wanted. I then frequented the sheikh near my uni and always asked him. He never pushed me, and never said to me that I must accept or I'll go to hell, rather he was so calm and collected and answered every question I had. (Whereas when i went to the church, all the priest kept saying to me was "just confirm, you'll be a Christian." I wasn't too happy with that either, because I wanted to know as much as I could before I got into the religion.) There were a few questions which he couldn't tell me the answer to straight away, but he'd always have the answers with him the next time I met him. He then brought his wife to one of the sessions, and me and his wife talked quite abit. She gave me her number, and was so welcoming, and she wouldn't leave me until I went to her house and had a meal there! (Muslims are the most hospitable people, I swear!)
I kind of kept this to myself, like my friends at uni knew I was looking into relegion, but not this deep. I didn't tell my parents either, because I was scared. Not that they'd disown me or anything, but that they wouldn't be happy with me.
Thus, I met a wonderful guy on Reddit, who I didn't know was Muslim at first. We did talk, and then once as we were talking he said an Islamic word, and I was so glad that he was Muslim! I asked him if he was, and he said yes, and I was literally like over the moon. I told him about my intentions, me wanting to convert to islam and he was so happy for me! He helped me out too, was very supportive of me, and again, didn't push me to convert. Although one thing I do want to say is that the reason I'm not mentioning his name, is because he himself told me he didn't want it, as it could be a form of showing off (he said this word "رياء", which again, just shows how pure his intentions really are, Subhanallah!)
But the main thing that got me into Islam was not only the characteristics of the Muslims I personally knew, or how hospitable they were, but rather the fact that the Qur'an had never changed, and that they acknowledged the fact that they sinned. They didn't keep it hidden that they sinned, rather my sheikh was very forward and told me, that we as humans all do sin, but the best of us are those who repent. Not only that, but the sins we do in private wouldn't have to be shared to anyone, rather we seek forgiveness to Allah and Allah alone. Whereas in church I had a session where I was sat behind a curtain and was made to seek repentance from a preist, and that isn't one of my best memories.
I'd been wanting to convert for a few months now, but the thing that held me back, like I said, was my parents. I didn't want to upset them or make them unhappy, I wanted to be the source of their happiness. It was only when I was talking to the Redditor, that I realised that if my parents weren't happy with Islam, they wouldn't have named me a Muslim name! I then got such a good feeling in my heart, and promised myself that I would accept Islam.
I visited my sheikh once in the last week, and told him of my intentions of converting, and he told me that there is no rush. That whenever I am ready I can convert, and I shouldn't be forced to convert. I kept this in mind, and again tried to compare Islam and Christianity, but it was so apparent, that Islam was correct for me.
I then went to uni yesterday, and i knew I just couldn't carry on, so i went to the masjid and told the sheikh about how I wanted to accept Islam. I put on a Hijab, and abayah, and I took my shahadah (I'll write it out, sorry if there's any errors:)
Ashadu alla ilaha ila Allah washadu ana Muhammad rasol Allah - I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and that Muhammad is Allah's messenger.
And the feeling I felt inside me was indescribable. Like even today, I can not explain the feeling, and I've never felt that before. There were a few women (complete strangers) in the masjid and they heard this and they came to meet me, some gave me presents, I got a wooden brush (I've forgotten the Arabic name) and a few other things, but the best thing I got was their prayers. We then prayed our Asr Salah, (my first every Salah) and I was told that the time after Asr on a Friday is when prayers are more likely to get answered. I then made as many prayers I could, for me, my parents, the Sheikh, and for the amazing Redditor, and most importantly for the whole Muslim community. I then read the next prayer, "Maghreb" and headed home.
I got home at about 7:30pm, and I told my parents, and they were so happy for me! I was worrying about how they'd take the news, but Alhamdulillah they were so happy for me. I didn't push them to accept Islam, but I told them about now I felt, and they were so supportive. They knew what I was doing was right, and they told me they'd always be there for me, so all fear in my heart had gone. I then thanked Allah, and told 2 other people both my best friends, one from uni, and the amazing Redditor (who I can't thank enough, and I ask you to pray for him that Allah gives him all the best in both worlds and that Allah blesses him abundantly, amen.)
I can definitely say, that I feel more complete. I feel really serene, and I know that if I was to die right now, I'd die happy. Ofcourse there is some hard things, for example, my prayers, I need to learn the Quran, but the happiness definitely outweighs the hardships. My only regret is that I didn't accept sooner for fear of my parents, but it was Allah's will that I accept on that day at that time.
I ask you all to remember me, and my parents in your prayers, and if there's anything you want to tell me, feel free to let me know Insha-Allah.
Your sister in Islam,
Khadija.
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