I thought some people here might be interested in hearing about my story, I hope that doesn't sound narcissistic. It's not a good story or a happy one except for the ending.
In high school, when I was 15 and 16 I became fascinated with Islam. I took a translation of the Qur'an out from my school library and read it intently. It mesmerized me, everything about it just felt true to me. It was almost instinctual, reading the Qur'an and everything in it spoke to me like it was what I was looking for. It wasn't long thereafter that I went to the local masjid and converted to Islam. The imam introduced me to a local man who was also a convert from a Christian background and told me he might be able to help me "transition" my lifestyle and learn more about Islam as I grow in my faith. Everything was going so well...
About a year or so after this the guy who was teaching me, let's call him Chris, started to get more and more conservative in his viewpoints, he was exclusively reading Salafi stuff and watching Salafi videos, this was not problematic in itself and I have nothing against people who practice Islam this way btw. However, as things progressed he started getting more and more extreme in his viewpoints and started complaining about our "kufr nation" and getting all political. He was watching lectures online of Anwar al-Awlaki. "chris" started talking badly to me about our masjid and saying that the imam didn't know what he was talking about etc. I was pretty uncomfortable with him at this point but we continued to talk and hang out, especially around the masjid. I don't want to sound like I'm blaming "Chris" for my own apostasy from Islam or putting a bad taste in my mouth because apostasy is obviously something you do yourself and ultimately I'm the one who "failed" and left Islam, I'm only trying to explain the lead up to it.
Even though "Chris" was definitely not the norm at the masjid and pretty much everyone there would have agreed more with me and not him, I began to feel isolated and alone because the rhetoric made me feel like a bad Muslim for not agreeing or thinking he was being "extreme". He was my only friend at the masjid at the time and he sort of talked down the other people there.
There was no one moment I can remember where I "relapsed" into apostasy but I slowly stopped practicing and lost my enthusiasm for religion. Eventually I just stopped believing in anything and felt like my journey into Islam had soured my life.
It was four or five years of atheism after this.
Only recently have I started to find my way back to Islam and find a more reasonable and middle ground approach to faith. I've started reading the Qur'an again and finding scholars who are reputable and who I enjoy listening to. I haven't been back to the masjid yet because im rather sick rn but I will once I am better.
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