Salam, just wanted to get this off my chest because there’s no one I can talk to this about.
I go to a university with a very large muslim population. The stuff I hear my fellow muslims to do not only shocks me, but makes me feel like I should be doing those things too, as stupid as it sounds. Most commonly I am talking about zina. Now I am by no means a perfect muslim, or even a good one. I don’t wear a hijab and don’t even think about wearing it because the things those hijabi girls do while wearing a hijab (like sucking d*ck) made me lose all respect for it. I have this constant influx of western culture and harami muslim culture that tells me that zina is ok and that if I’m not doing it, then it’s because I’m flawed and ugly because no man wants to do it with me. Today I noticed myself feeling jealous because this other muslim girl had slept with guys and dated many, even though I thought she was uglier than me. I thought why are guys attracted to her and not me?
I am aware these thoughts are terrible and it’s just shaytaan whispering to me. I am fully aware that this ummah is doomed because of these young people’s actions. I am disgusted that such major sins are becoming so normalized in my head, and I actively feel myself wanting to take part in them. If I was in a situation where I would be about to take part in zina, I would go through with it but thankfully that has never happened. Maybe it’s my mother’s prayers being answered and Allah is preventing me from being like those people.
How do I make these thoughts stop? How can I stop being jealous of sinners?
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