assalaamu alaikum, i know i haven't prayed in weeks and i wish to go back to Allah SWT in a way He'd like but when I start thinking about prayer my heart starts racing. I feel like I've done so many things that are haraam (some things concerning my relationship with my partner because I also do somewhat have relationship anxiety) I wish to be free then I don't wish to conform to prayer then I wish to go back to Allah then my heart starts racing fast because I know Allah is Most Merciful but why do I do the things I do I don't always dress modest but when I wish to feel close to Allah - that's when I do and try. But sometimes it even gives me anxiety wearing hijab - mainly just because I'm alone a lot and I just feel like everyone is staring at me. I am getting help for the OCD but just...needed to rant and vent somewhat
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