25 years old and since childhood, I have a deformed head and face. It has kept me socially isolated, mocked in school, led to a speech impediment that is with me today and social anxiety and panic disorder in university where I had to drop out halfway due to the panic attacks in class. Every time I see myself in the mirror or window, I see the ugliest person ive ever seen. When I go to the mosque even , no one is as freakish looking as me. I’m used to the weird looks outside but when even worshippers at the mosque are confused at your appearance and rudely stare for a while, it becomes annoying. The one place you expect normal reactions from people. Of course, I’m not married and have never even tried. Firstly, my appearance and secondly, i have never had the chance to build key social skills due to my isolation and my career is at a standstill due to my drop out in university and the fact I’ve only worked jobs in places like a warehouse. Hurts knowing whilst I have never even entertained the idea of zina, marriage which is something I always intended for, is banned for me. Saying that, I am used to being alone and accepted I will be until I die. What I can’t accept is the truly abnormal deformed appearance I have given. I spent a lot of time in my commutes just looking around to see if anyone has it as bad as me. No one. I once saw someone with dwarfism but they still looked fine and normal. Being from London, where your appearance matters a LOT, it just makes things harder. I spent huge amounts of effort to be clean and whatever, but it makes no difference. My bone structure is a mess. I have wondered if I commit suicide, how does that work with allahs statement of not burdening someone with more they can handle ? I have clearly not been able to hand it my whole life with the numerous problems my appearance has given me. Excessive sweating and hyperventilating in a classroom ? This concerning my every second of every day ? I’m really really tired of battling this and leaving home with my chest out and trying to accept it. But it’s tough. Beyond tough. I don’t know why he had to give me such a tormenting, non stop and permanent tribulation which cannot allow me to even live a life
[link] [comments]
from Islam https://ift.tt/2ZmkEBY
Post A Comment:
0 comments so far,add yours