This is the hardest test Allah has decreed upon me. My mother has never shown love or care to me and my siblings. She'd always criticize instead of encourage. Never had time to spend time with us when she was free, and when she did she'd always be in a bad mood. My siblings and I have self-esteem and trust issues because of our relationship with our parents. The thing is, I'm now 25 and I can't spend too much time with her. She has a leash around my neck, wanting to go wherever I go, always asking what I'm doing, always telling me what to do, eat, or even when to go to bed. I can't do it anymore. Now, she tells me to come spend time with her and does it in a somewhat emotional way and it makes me cringe. She never used to be like this and it makes me feel so uncomfortable that she's showing emotions. When she gets upset when I decline because I'm doing something else (or just try to make myself busy), I feel like saying "where were you when I wanted to spend time with you? Where were you when I wanted a mother's comforting hug and instead got a blank stare and an "OK"?"
I feel like a terrible daughter when she feels upset because of that and I force myself to spend time with her. I fear that Allah might be upset with if I don't. I'm suffocating. I can't grow as a person because I feel like she's constantly waiting to criticize anything I try to do or learn. She doesn't even give me any room to try and learn something as simple as cooking. It's so hard being a good person because of the built up negative emotions in my heart.
What should I do? Am I a bad person for feeling what I feel?
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from Islam https://ift.tt/31FEbde
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