I'm depressed. Because I'm certain that I'm going to burn in hell forever. The most problematic thing I feel in me is Procrastination. It is severely impacting my life and making it impossible for me to get myself to pray.
I went from barely missing a Jummah once a year to not praying a single Jummah in last 5 weeks, 3 times out of accident and 2 times out of procrastination. In the last year, I might have prayed no more than 20 Friday prayers.
That's not just it. I have committed zina (oral sex) so many times that I have lost a track of the number of times I did. I committed them without a reason (while keeping a wife) and I have also committed them after performing a Hajj. I think the seal has been placed on my heart because I don't feel as guilty for my sins as I used to be able to count the number of occurrences.
I don't consider myself as Haji due to the number of times I have sinned (major) including zina after Hajj. So I plan to perform Hajj once again but I really need to fix my prayers. And I really need to have that fear of Allah come from my heart to no miss a prayer. I understand that if I pray on time, Allah will make it very easy for me to forgive other sins and make me active in my other duties but I'm just not able to get myself to do it.
I don't watch porn but I do also have the secret habit, once again I have no reason why I have that habit. I don't feel like fulfilling my duties towards my wife or my child or work and I don't feel like praying it all. I just don't feel like doing anything at all.
I won't be replying here as I do not remember the password and I don't want shitty inboxes from all the other children of Shayateen lurking here and trying to influence otherwise. I will just monitor this thread from my main account.
Jazak Allahu Khayr.
[link] [comments]
from Islam https://ift.tt/32hxJtZ
Post A Comment:
0 comments so far,add yours