I am ashamed of my sins.

Hi. I have no one to talk to about this because I don't want to out myself.

I am 20, and have been a bad Muslimah.

I have catfished people, lied to them, had explicit lewd conversations with them. All of this has been online as I have taken advantage of my anonymous status.

I am ashamed and embarassed, and I don't know how to face Allah or ask for forgiveness. I don't know how to come to terms with my mistakes without feeling guilty and disgusted with myself everyday. I am trying to better myself. It's hard but I'm doing it. Started praying again, and I mean really doing it. On time. Fully committed.

I feel I have wasted years of my life (specifically after being responsible for my actions) in sin and I don't know if I could ever outdo them with good. I feel as though I don't deserve the good things I have.

I am also deathly afraid of these mistakes coming back to haunt me in the future. Of what could happen to me if somebody knew.

Mostly I am embarassed and disappointed in myself. I always tell people not to wallow in self pity, but here I am doing the same thing...

People who have repented from sins; I mean sins similar to mine... how do you cope with it? How do you go about it with a positive mindset, without beating yourself up about it?

For the first time ever, I admit, I need your help, brothers and sisters.

Edit: would like to add: my family is amazing. My friends are genuinely good people. I have always been a conscious person, aware, yes I felt guilty but I just pushed it away. I decided to take control of it now. But the issue isn't my company - it's me. If anything, they inspired me to really commit.

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