I always hear of the beauty and peace and high imaan of Ramadan. I do feel that the first few days and it's beyond description and one of the main reasons I felt drawn towards Islam in the first place. I still remember the first time I read Qur'an passages about fasting. It was the most beautiful and spiritually enlightening thing I could imagine at the time.
Anyway after the first ten days or so, I start getting extremely obsessive. I get extremely, extremely worried about every little thing. When I'm staying with non-Muslim family, I wash stuff over and over again in case it has traces of alcohol. I spend an incredibly long amount of time repeating wudu and prayer, which ends up both taking away the peace from that practice and drains my time and energy for other forms of worship. The things my mind thinks up to do "just in case" at 5 am during Ramadan....even at the time, I know I'm being stupid but can't seem to shake it. I also constantly evaluate every comment I make, wondering if it's kufr or shirk etc. It was crazy because as soon as Eid came, I let out a deep breath and felt peace. I felt like I could be a practicing Muslim without constantly feeling paranoid about everything. Has anyone else experienced this and what is the best way to mitigate it if so? It actually happens even when I fast for many days in a row outside of Ramadan so who knows. Thank you for reading this and Eid Mubarak!
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