Is homosexuality a choice?

Assalamualailikum.

I've received a significant amount of hate for saying this so I'd like to preface this by saying that I have nothing against the gay people. I do not care if someone else is homosexual and I believe everyone should be treated with respect until they give you a reason to do otherwise.

Also, what I'm about to say isn't just me making things up but things I've learned from studying body language, Neuro linguistic programming, and attraction. I urge you to keep an open mind as you read this. Let's get started, bismillah.

For the longest time, I had a question in my mind. The act of homosexuality is a sin. If homosexuals have no control over who they are, then is Allah punishing them for something they truly can't control? I refused to believe that. Of course, the answer could very well be "it's the act that is a sin and not the thoughts" but I never found that answer satisfying because then how could people "jump ship"? How do people sometimes switch from being gay to straight and vice versa? Then, a few years ago, I began studying things that really helped clear things for me personally. Things that I've mentioned on the previous paragraph.

Now, first and foremost, the primary thing when it comes to attraction between two people is not their gender but their gender roles. In order to maintain a healthy relationship (romantically) two people must at all times play different roles. People playing the same gender role usually leads to competition (a little more complicated among humans than animals, as we don't tend to always kill each other for territory). Males generally tend to play the dominant role (not aggressive and definitely not how BDSM or 50 shades portrays it) whereas females tend to play the submissive role (not subservient or weak). The dominant role refers to being leaders whereas the submissive role refers to being more emotional and nurturing. Think of it like a more evolved version of hunter-gatherer. This is also why men in powerful positions are perceived as attractive, they're playing their gender role well. Islam highlights this. Men are considered the caretakers and they are also to be given leadership positions, according to my understanding. This is also why Allah created men to be physically stronger and taller (both dominant traits).

Now, attraction can be seen akin to the mating dance of peacocks. It's a simple string of negative and positive body language mixed with touch, banter and rapport. When it happens between people playing two different gender roles, sexual tension will arise. Again, Islam warns us to take precaution regarding this when Allah tells men to not make excessive physical contact with women outside of mothers, sisters, etc. If the two people playing opposite roles happen to be of the same gender, sexual tension will still exist. All that matters from thereon is the belief. If they believe that they shouldn't heed these thoughts, it's over and they can move back to banter or rapport. If they begin to question their sexuality or "give it a shot" they may or may not like it. If they don't, it ends there. If they do, that's a different case.

I've personally seen someone close to me being forced into the submissive role, due to his circumstances, and would you know it... I caught him watching gay porn soon after. The guy is a Muslim and has a wife and a kid who's about to graduate Uni. May Allah bless and guide him & his family.

There are also cases of vanity. Where a man can have so much sex with so many women that it doesn't satisfy him anymore leading to him seeking the thrill elsewhere - sometimes among other men.

Let's also address another way this could possibly happen - fetishes. Sexual feelings that are borne of different circumstances and experiences in life. These are slightly harder to make sense of because Allah knows best what and how they can come to be. There are far too many variables that could affect each and every human being and the only way to determine the cause would be to sit with them individually and hear their life stories. There's no arguing that the natural tendency is for a man to be with a woman. Even evolution wants men to have sex with women, since two people of the same gender cannot reproduce. Hence, anything outside the norm can be considered a fetish. Fetishes can range from insignificant things like being attracted to feet all the way to involving animals or human waste even. These are harder to control as we don't know why or how we feel this way and lust is a very strong feeling so people tend to give in. Our Prophet PBUH even said that the biggest fear he has for his ummah is shamelessness. Again, this is supported by psychology as it says sex is a complete overtake of the emotional brain. During sex, the logical part of the brain is basically disabled.

This definitely answered my question regarding how people switch preferences and I am yet to find any logical reasoning that claims otherwise. I've also read stories of gay men having sex with women. In reddit there was a post by a gay man who claimed he was forced into marriage with a woman and when he came clean to her, it lead to them having a healthy sex life. If someone is biologically born as gay, then this should be impossible. A man can't magically become a woman. He was born a male and even if he chooses to go through a sex change operation, he would still biologically have traits of a male. Therefore, it must be psychological.

To answer the burning question: everything I've learned claims that although it isn't always a choice, we certainly aren't born that way and it can very much be changed.

If you've made it this far, props to you. I would love to read what you think and if/why you agree or disagree. Again, the purpose of this post is not to spread hatred but to educate myself and others around me through discussion. May Allah grant us all the knowledge and wisdom to help us understand His creation a little better. Jazak Allahu Khairan.

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