Accessing the unseen, is it an irredeemable transgression?

Salams to all,

We know that the reason there is no tawbah after the sun rises from the west, is that the truth becomes known without doubt, and that there is no longer a test.

I've never seen the movie, The Matrix, but there is an infamous scene where the main character is offered a choice between a red pill and a blue pill, the red being his gateway to absolute truth, and a "point of no return".

Does such a concept exist in Islamic theology? Is it possible to seek out truth in a way that is considered cheating the test of eemaan God has subjected humanity to, which then subsequently damns you and forever excludes you from Allah's mercy?

Because I worry for my state. I worry that I have crossed the point of no return. Many years ago I explored skeptic ideas, I obsessed trying to ascertain truth, whether God was real, whether reality was even real, and it led to an existential crisis, which has left me with debilitating existential OCD and Depersonalization for the last 5 years and counting.

I'm incredibly prone to anxiety and doubt about anything existential, I won't even bother explaining to what extent because that'd take another thread but I hope it suffices to say, it's beyond belief. I doubt the simplest and most basic aspects of reality.

I pray my prayers, avoid sins as best I can, make thikr, make duaa, read quran, but I feel hollow, I feel detached, I feel rejected, I worry that I am irredeemable. Is this my punishment for going beyond the point of no return? I see things on a level most people don't, on a level I know I never used to recognize. I see the automacity of human existence, I am aware of how thoughts, gestures, bodily functions etc. and other things that are taken for granted are automatic and out of our control, I SEE the UNSEEN.

I SEE the MATRIX. Have I crossed a line that I can't come back over? Is there hope for me yet? Or am I damned beyond Allah's mercy and salvation? I know my questions might require someone with in-depth insight and knowledge to answer, but I don't know where else to go, or how to reach anyone else. I hope I can find some answers here.

Thanks for taking the time, wassalam.

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