We are on this Earth for a chance to perfect our souls before reaching the akhira. One way to purify the soul is through hardships and tribulations. If earth was care free and uncorrupted with no hardship, we would be corrupted. The trials in this life is meant to teach us how to humble ourselves and be human beings. By perfecting our soul in this life, we earn our place in heaven. Allah wants us to see whether or not we deserve heaven and our time on Earth is the way to perfect our souls. All guidance is from Allah(swt) and Allah(swt) only. Ask Allah for guidance whole hardheartedly and he will guide you. He offers you a chance you purify your soul.
Islam is not merely just doing good deeds, it's about ibadah before Allah and perfecting your soul. So when the Day of Judgement comes, you can say that you obeyed Allah and his commands and truly perfected your inner most traits. Only the ones who have a good heart/soul will deserve heaven. The truly evil and wretched will never enter the gates of heaven.
If there are times you do falter and commit sin, do not feel pain for Allah is oft forgiving. He forgives any sin imaginable as long as one does it on their time on Earth. This test within this dunya is to perfect yourself, not feel pain over a mistake for the rest of your life. It is best to keep going and give legitimate tawbah to Allah. After that, nothing can stop you from Allah's mercy. As Allah said:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Allah says: 'I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.' "
If one does not think Allah is forgiving and merciful, then he may not be. He is of what you think of him. Remind yourself that Allah(swt) is just and fair.
[This has been a little journal for me to keep track of my thoughts.]
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