Are my conceptions of more traditional Muslim men wrong or are they simply incompatible with how I think?

Assalamu alaikum! As some of us have spent a great deal of our lives in the West and have adapted to our environments as humans tend to do, I am sure some of you know that it is at times difficult to fully welcome and embrace more """"controversial"""" parts of Islam (as silly as that is). However, I want to clear up some of the things I believe are true of more devout Muslim men as my family and I often are in disagreement over how true they are. I have no problem with if they are true or not, I just don't want to misjudge an entire population and hold on to false beliefs. I am thankfully with a man who is on the same page as me on almost all beliefs, but for example, someone more "old school" like my grandparents would want me to end up with a more traditional man. Anyway, you get the deal. Here are some things I have witnessed in my own communities and have accepted as the nature of traditional Muslim men that I hope to get some validation/negation of:

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1. Ultimately, in a traditional household, the man would make the final decision in regard to everything. For example, say I marry someone I know to be very devout, more so than me, and I want to work and he disagrees. Ultimately, I would need to obey him as he isn't commanding me to do something sinful. If I wanted to not wear hijab, he could force me to wear it as the head of the household. I know many women who are very happy in these types of environments, so kudos to them, but I know myself and I know I appreciate my independence. However, every time I emphasize this to my family members, I am told that this is untrue.
2. Sex shouldn't be denied for no reason by the wife. Obviously, I don't bring this one up a lot to my family since it's awkward, but I genuinely would feel almost violated and burdened if I was expected to have sex with my husband whenever he pleased, even if my reason is "I'm not in the mood." I think that's a valid reason. When I do give this argument, I am usually told that this never happens and it's a valid excuse. I hope so! Everything I've looked up says otherwise, so I would appreciate some real-life feedback on this one if you happen to particularly care about it.
3. This one hits a bit home for me, because I have personally known multiple women who have this happen to them, and it's really heartbreaking. According to my research, if a man desires to marry a second/third/fourth wife, he doesn't need the consent of his other partners to do so. According to quite literally everyone I've said this to in real life, he does. So which is it? And which is more common in daily life? I would honestly consider this cheating if it is done without consent. Imagine if the roles were reversed (and they never would be), how absolutely outrageous it would be for a woman to marry someone else in spite of her husband's disapproval.
4. Lastly, the whole striking the wife thing. I've read the wiki entry on it, and I understand the evidence and the context and all the justifications scholars and Muslims provide, but it would not make me feel like less of a child that needs to be disciplined by their parent when they misbehave. InshAllah, I will never be put in this position, but I would feel so small and humiliated if my husband even "lightly pushed my chest away" when he doesn't agree with an action I commit. So I guess my question is, if you are a devout man, have you ever done this? Would you ever? If you are a woman (hi!), how would you react?

I hope these questions don't come across as offensive or as if I am instigating a debate. Wallah I am not. I am a practicing Muslim and I have done research on these topics, I just want to know how they apply in real life and not just what some online sheikh or a distant aunt of mine have to say about this. Thank you in advance!

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