I am a Catholic catechumen (awaiting baptism), but I am interested in Islamic traditions, the Quran and the Muslim faith. With that said, I know that you respect the Torah and the gospels, but I don't know about your views on the books of the prophets, so I want to know how you treat and view these writings, and even if you study them.
I hope I didn't ask silly and obvious questions.
I used to be someone who used to love being around people and show mercy to my family and everyone around me. After a medical scare and meds it was almost overnight when I discovered that I lost it all. The warmth of His Love and His Mercy all gone overnight.
How is that possible? From being grateful to ungrateful. From loving children and babysitting them 24/7 to not wanting to be around them.
I feel so disconnected and discontent with how I lost it all overnight.
I feel stuck.
FYI I tried therapy and hijama and did umrah. But I still feel like my heart has been cut off from any Mercy and Love and it has impacted every aspect of my life. I will continue to seek forgiveness.
But I would like to know if anyone practicing has gone through this and overcome it? Call it what you want but I truly feel the love and mercy is how it feels like.
So both of my parents are both very toxic, and I would say that I have grown up in a very toxic household,without any love,nobody has ever said to me I’m proud of you , I love you etc. and that is okey by me because it made me stronger but on the other hand more not knowing of my soft side. I have always been beaten by various objects in the household and their like was that a stick came from Jannet. It was always a crazy household,they are both very controlling,antisocial,like that old Bosnian parents that u would imagine. They have so many loans,dad always struggled with jobs and they make good money but most of it goes to loans(which are haram),but they always say that they didn’t have a choice,in my head it means that they didn’t trust Allah enough but ok. The problem is that they come home from work and waiting to die,basically like that. They don’t have hobbies,don’t care about anything,don’t go anywhere. It’s like they are waiting to die estaqfirullah. They make me do hard things around the house,they have so much problems in their lives ,and everything is always my fault. I know that parents are always right,especially when it comes to parents in islam. And I never mean them no harm, but it’s just such a controlling,depressing environment that I’m just waiting to get out of. They see me do Dua and they say ,don’t act like that u just finished prayer etc in a bad tone. I honestly don’t know that to do to them anymore. I guess that they just have a victim mentality,that they didn’t pursue their goals and that’s why they put me down. So the question is : if I know that they are like this ,how should I behave in theirs space/with them etc.
So my father wants me to invest in a CD to avoid bank fees and protect my money from scams. The problem is that there will likely be interest involved.If I refuse, there's a good chance my father will catch on to the reason. And he really hates it when I abide by rulings of islam. Like not touching the opposite gender, refraining from listening to music....etc I don't know what he'll do if I say no. What can I do?
Assalamu Alaykum brothers and sisters,
Alhamdoulilah recently Allah has drawn me back to him through hardship and I am fortunate to have that happen to me.
I am past the honey moon phase and have changed my niyyah with the way I live and alhamdoulilah it has worked wonders no matter what trials I still go through but I feel like I'm falling short... I know for a fact that If It wasn't for his mercy neither me or you would even be worthy of jannah but he is the most merciful. I have a feeling of fear that no matter how much I refine my ibaadah, he might still not be content with me because of something I did.
By ibaadah I don't mean just praying and fasting, I mean also trying to live by the prophet's pbuh way and always fight my nafs on a daily basis to avoid anger and sins.
But I am fearful, I don't want just jannah, I want closeness to Allah, because he was there when no one else was and I want to be as close as I can be.
Is there a way to know if I'm in the right path or do I just keep refining my deen?
This is not out of fear, this is out of love.
Salam brothers and sisters.
Before I begin, I want to make one thing clear: I do not need assistance of any kind. I am managing. What I truly need is for someone to hear me, to acknowledge me, to simply say something encouraging. I feel so invisible sometimes, and a kind word is worth more to me than anything else.
For context, I am in Canada.
Four years ago my life was ordinary in the best possible way. I had a stable career, a home, a wife, a child, and a family that loved me. Everything a man in his early thirties could reasonably hope for. Yes, my marriage had its issues, but nothing unmanageable.
Then one day, while standing on a ladder to change a curtain, I fell and struck my head. A week later the migraines began... chronic migraines with aura.
The first doctor I saw brushed me off or simply lacked the competence to help. I was prescribed a harsh anti-inflammatory medication. It did nothing. Over-the-counter painkillers were useless, and the only thing that dulled the agony was alcohol. I did not want to go down that road, but the relief was the only relief I could find.
I eventually learned that migraines affect each person differently. Mine were not the worst in terms of pain, but the postdrome was devastating. After a migraine, my cognitive ability dropped by what felt like seventy percent. Concentration vanished. My ability to form coherent thoughts or make rational decisions collapsed. By the time I recovered, another migraine was already approaching... and the cycle repeated endlessly. Alcohol was the only thing that cut through the fog. At a certain level of intoxication, I remembered what it felt like to be myself.
My employer noticed. My attendance slipped, my performance suffered. They were kind enough to move me into an easier administrative position, but nothing improved. Eventually my contract was not renewed.
Money began running out. By then the world was deep in the pandemic.
I could not afford the mortgage on the house my wife and her mother had purchased for us... I had no savings to contribute to the down payment in the first place.
My marriage finally collapsed. As I said earlier, we had our problems even before the injury. Losing my ability to function, to work, and turning to alcohol was simply too much. I do not blame her.
I had no choice but to figure out how to survive. I moved thousands of kilometers away... from Ontario to Alberta. Through a friend I found a good job, and I pushed myself as hard as I could. But after four months, my attendance again became an issue and I was laid off.
By that time the Canadian job market had deteriorated to the point of despair. When I could not find work in Alberta, I moved to New Brunswick, where my father lived. Things calmed down for a while. I worked a minimum wage retail job... nothing glamorous, but my manager understood my condition. My migraines even eased for a bit, and I believed I was ready for full-time labor again. I joined an electrical company as a laborer.
I lasted three months.
That was when I finally accepted that I needed proper treatment. New Brunswick has poor healthcare access, so I saved every dollar, every cent, and returned to Ontario. There I found a neurologist who actually listened to me, took me seriously, and began trying different treatments.
This brings us to 2024. The neurologist kept cycling through medications but nothing worked. The job market was still frozen. I eventually became homeless.
I left southern Ontario for Ottawa. Soon after arriving, the neurologist finally found a medication that helped. Not perfectly, but enough that I could function again. Unfortunately, by then the damage to my life felt complete. I could think clearly again, but inside I felt hollow... as if I no longer knew how to rebuild.
During all the years I was sick, I fell behind on every financial obligation, including child support. In Canada, missing child support leads to wage garnishment, suspension of your driver’s license, and even having your passport cancelled.
Today I live out of a storage locker because I cannot afford rent. I am afraid to pursue full-time work in my field. It is a small industry, and there are only so many companies I can pass through before my name becomes synonymous with unreliability.
I pray often. I remind myself that Allah tests those He loves. I know, intellectually, that suffering often hides a purpose we cannot see. But emotionally... I feel invisible. I feel frightened. I never imagined that by nearly forty years old, this would be my life. If someone had told me in 2017 what was coming... I would have laughed in their face for speaking such a curse.
Yet here I stand.
I did not choose Islam. I was born into it. And for that I feel deeply blessed. But sometimes I wonder if reverts appreciate the beauty of faith more than those of us born into it.
I feel alone far too often. I fear that I have ruined my life beyond repair. At my lowest moments I even feel abandoned by Allah, though I know that feeling is only a trick of the mind.
What can I do to feel closer to Allah again?
Asc, Hello dear brothers and sisters.
Today I wanted just for everyone to take a pause and glory be to Allah! May Allah heal you all and fill you all with happiness and put us all in Jannah trough our lords mercy despite however many sins you and I have!
Amen